Update

Just a little update:

I talked to my doctor Friday afternoon and found out that my progesterone is low which means that I'm not ovulating the way I should. So he started me on clomid which is supposed to force me to ovulate. I've heard from different friends that clomid can make a girl pretty emotional (poor Josh).

It was definitely frustrating news to hear that my progesterone is low on top of only having one working tube. Just hoping they don't find anything else wrong with me and that we can focus on getting some answers. :)

Keeping Faith

After two years of keeping my mouth shut, I've decided to start blogging about my fertility issues. I don't talk about it for many reasons. I feel like this is something personal between my husband and I. Often struggles are hard to discuss with other people (especially since most people can't empathize with us). Mainly I've decided to blog about this for myself. I want to be able to look back at my posts in the future and hopefully see the reason why Josh and I have to struggle through this.

I really can't explain the feeling of disappointment each month when I get my period. It's a deep hurt that often leads to anger and questioning. Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry with God. I completely understand that God has a plan for me. I've been so blessed and don't ever take this hurt out on God. I'm just angry that it's been so hard....more like a frustrated anger.

I read a quote that I need to memorize for these frustrated moments:

"The hardest part of faith is the last half hour. When it looks as if God will not answer, we give up and go on to something else."

I struggle with wanting to give up. Josh always tells me that it just isn't time yet. I wish that I had that good of an attitude. I have faith that God's will will be done. It's just really hard not knowing that will.

2013? Seriously?!

Am I the only one who can't believe it's 2013? I'm always amazed at how fast time flies (especially the older I get). I just wanted to a do a quick recap on the last few weeks and a small look into the new year.

Josh, Zoey, and I traveled to New Mexico for Christmas. We had fun visiting with family and friends. While we were there, we had some pictures taken of the entire family. Due to family members moving, we weren't sure when we would all be together again and thought it would be a good idea to take a second to capture some pictures.

We spent a quiet new years eve with wonderful friends. I feel so blessed to be able to ring in the new year with my husband, especially since I know many don't have that opportunity.

This upcoming year is already busy - thankfully for me since I love to stay busy! :) I'm currently taking my 7th class in my master's degree and hoping to finish up the degree this year. Yay! I love this degree and so happy that I've had the opportunity to take it. I'm also blessed to have a wonderful husband who has basically paid my way through this degree. I refuse to take out any more student loans!

I'm also continuing my love for running and have signed up for a half marathon in April with two good friends. I'm so excited to run this half...especially since I'm shooting for a new PR! Wish me luck :).

Other than that, Josh and I just have lots of hiking, camping, skiing, and backpacking plans (along with a trip to STL).

Cheers to 2013!

Accepting God's Timing

Today I'm going to write about something that I typically avoid talking about - fertility...or lack thereof. Josh and I have been TTC since February 2011 (obviously subtract 9 months from that due to his deployment). Altogether it's been about 14 months of trying. Last week, my doctor called to tell me that one of my fallopian tubes was blocked. I assumed that something was wrong since we were having issues getting pregnant, so in a way, it was relieving to get an answer. Relieving...yet still painful to know that this journey will never be easy for us. I've done some research on blocked fallopian tubes and a common cause is a ruptured appendix (something I went through when I was 9). The next step is to make sure that I actually ovulate (this is blood work that is drawn 21 days after my period).

I try to stay positive, but it's hard. I know there's a reason behind all this. I know that God's timing is best...but I'm not perfect. I still struggle with sadness, questioning, and wanting to give up. It's hard seeing all my friends with babies or getting pregnant. I've been trying to change my outlook - it could be worse...way worse. I've been so blessed and need to focus on those blessings.

So here's to a new year and a new positive outlook! :)

Estes Park Getaway

One of the wonderful things about living in Colorado is that we are close to so many beautiful mountainous getaways. This past weekend we drove the 2 hour drive up to Estes Park and stayed in a beautiful cabin for 2 nights. The cabin was perfect for us—a large bed, jacuzzi, fireplace, leather couch, and outdoor hot tub. The staff was so friendly and inviting...we'll definitely be back in the future!

We went on a few (very cold) hiking trips, spent lots of time in the hot tub, chilled by the fireplace, and went on a few date nights. One of the nights, we ate at a restaurant in the Stanley Hotel (where The Shining was filmed). I might have had the best steak I've ever tasted there (it was worth every penny). We also walked around downtown and grabbed some coffee and burritos for lunch.

We both had so much fun and can't wait to do something like this again.

Healthy Living for Military

I talk a lot about the military since I'm married to one of the best soldiers around (I deserve some kudos here), but I've never really touched on the many health risks that are associated with our soldiers. Many of these men and women have to deal with side effects that plague them throughout their entire lives. I think it's important to be aware of these risks as well as the many ways to manage these side effects. 

Guest writer, Emily Walsh, has written an article on healthy living after military service. Emily is a Community Outreach Blogger for the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance and often writes on topics that relate to veteran and military health. In this article, she writes about some of the routine steps military vets can take to maintain their health. You can read more about Emily at http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/emily/.

Emily Walsh
Community Outreach Blogger for Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance

Healthy Living After Military Service

Many people who have served our country in the armed forces face a very different life after their service. For too many, when the regimented life of the military has passed they find their health suffering. Whether it is not getting adequate exercise, eating properly, or getting regular checkups, the discipline once imposed by the outside must now be imposed internally. In other words, it now falls upon you to take your health in your own hands.

Regular checkups
For some reason, a good number of men will avoid the doctor at all costs. Unfortunately, this can be a recipe for disaster, particularly for older veterans. Think of your periodic doctor's visits as insurance. Paying a little now can prevent more costly incidents down the road.

When you get regular checkups, your doctor has a chance to discover any potential problems while they are still small and more easily treated. Some people actually prefer not to know of any problems. Would you rather learn you have cancer when it is a small easily removed mole, or learn it when the cancer has invaded every organ in your body?

There is no good reason to simply let things go. If you have not gotten a checkup in some time, go ahead and schedule an appointment right now. You will sleep better at night and possible save money or your life.

Exercise
Military life can be extremely physically demanding. Once your service has ended, it is important to remain physically active to maintain a healthy weight and avoid diseases like diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. Being overweight is one of the main risk factors for each of these diseases. This is something within your control, so make sure you exercise regularly.

The form of exercise is not as important as merely getting some exercise. Get your heart pumping and your lungs breathing quickly. This is basically aerobics. Some exercises that qualify for aerobic work are running, jogging, swimming, and boxing a punching bag. This will keep your weight manageable and cut your risks for a number of preventable diseases.

Mesothelioma
This is a significant disease of the lungs caused by exposure to toxic asbestos. The fibers are inhaled into the lungs and may cause the disease years later. This fibrous material was once used extensively in military applications. The disease itself is incurable, but the symptoms can be managed with treatment.

Homecoming

So I realize that I've been off the radar for a few weeks, but I have a good excuse. Josh came home!! The few weeks leading up to his homecoming were pure torture. Time dragged. I tried to keep myself occupied and not think about it too much so time would go by faster. Yeah....that didn't work :).

Fast forward to his homecoming. His mom drove in the day before. Unfortunately his dad wasn't able to make it due to a a pretty bad sickness. I worked the morning of his homecoming and took the afternoon off to get ready. It's such a weird feeling knowing that you'll see your husband in a few hours after not seeing him in 9 months!

We got ready and headed to the Special Events Center, where the homecoming was held. It was packed! We got there an hour early and still had trouble finding seats. Thankfully that hour wasn't terrible. There was enough going on to keep us interested. They had a large screen showing the guys walk off the plane (from earlier that day). It was so much fun seeing Josh and knowing he was so close.

Fast forward an hour—thankfully they were right on time! The guys marched in (see video posted), stood for 3-5 minutes and were released. Thank God it was so short! It took me a good minute to find Josh....actually, he found me. There were so many people (half of them looking the exact same) that it was almost impossible to find each other. The pictures below will tell the rest of the story, but let's just say I'm a pretty happy girl :).