Saturday, October 5, 2013

Afraid to be Hopeful

I'm excited...yet afraid to be excited. I know, it doesn't make much sense. Josh and I are doing artificial insemination (IUI) on Monday. The chances of this working are much higher than anything we've done so far. I'm hopeful, but I'm also afraid to be disappointed. I want to be excited and have high hopes that this could finally be it...but I don't want to get excited just to be disappointed. I know, I sound horribly negative here. These are just honest, raw feelings.

The bad part about IUIs is that they're expensive and unfortunately, our insurance doesn't pay for them. We're blessed to both have jobs so we're able to pay for these, but it's definitely tight. I often wonder why God has asked us to wait for children. Maybe he wanted us to wait until I had a better job so that we could afford everything. I don't know...

I'm going to try to go into the IUI with a very positive attitude. If it doesn't happen this time, that's ok. We'll move on and try again. Thankfully, God has the situation in His hands and that makes this process but less daunting.

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