Christmas blessings

We had a wonderful time spending the last few days at my parent's house. We were able to have the entire family (all 19 of us) together on Christmas eve. It always gets a bit overwhelming for me (you would never know I'm from a big family by this) but catching up with family and playing with all my nieces made it worth it.

 Holding my sweet niece, Avery

 Playing an exciting game of Pictionary

 Silly faces with Addie

Another Christmas blessing came in the form of money. Josh and I don't like to ask for money...in fact, I've thought about setting up a crowd funding account multiple times for the cost of our IVF but have never been able to go through with it. On Christmas day, two sweet people (who would like to remain anonymous) gave us a check to help fund our upcoming IVF. It's a lot of money...something that I know they don't just have laying around. They'll never know how much of a blessing this is to us.

This year, I'm so thankful for God's provisions. We may not have gotten everything we wished for, but God has blessed us far more than we will ever deserve. Most importantly, he kept Josh safe through another deployment and continued to grow our marriage through separation. All in all, 2014 has been a great year!

A letter to our baby

Sometimes I wonder who I have become...why I would ever be ok with taking out a loan to finance the chance of creating you. I'm a huge saver. I count my pennies and never spend irrationally. But here I am taking out a huge loan simply to TRY to conceive a baby....you.

Why is Josh doing this? He might answer this differently but I believe it's because he wants a child as much as I do...but more importantly, I believe that he cares so much for me that he doesn't care how much we spend in order to create a family. He's always been the one that thinks with his heart (which is why I love him so much).

I've realized that we can't put a price on love. That's what I want the most. I want a child to love and adore and to watch grow up. I want a child to make our family whole. And I know that Josh wants the same. We'll be paying this loan off for years, but it's worth it...you're worth it!

Josh will always be number one in our family. As much as I will love you, Josh will be a different kind of love. A love that I will need to protect and cherish. I truly believe that putting him first will make our family even more special...and ultimately, you will feel so loved by two parents who adore each other.

So here I am....a little sick to my stomach thinking about money....but so excited that we're finally getting a chance to have you. I know that this is in God's hands and I know that He will provide what is best for us. I just hope and pray that the best thing for us is you.

New doctor...new plan

We visited our new doctor last Friday. I have to say that I was a little bit apprehensive because I had read some reviews that he was a bit cocky. Thankfully, I didn't get this feeling at all. While he definitely looks impressive on paper, he only talked about some of that to prove credibility, which I actually like. It's good to know that my doctor knows what he's talking about :).

I also felt like he cared more about Josh than our last doctor. He was a surgeon in the military and actually gave us $2000 off IVF....which sounds good until I tell you about the price later :).

So long story short, Josh and I are both going through many of the same processes that we've already been through (lots of blood being drawn, urine testing, and a semen analysis). Even though we've already done all this, sometimes important issues fall through the cracks so it's important for our new doctor to get their own results.

Now here's the tough part...the cost. Fresh embryo IVF transfer is $14,000. Day 5 embryo biopsy and 23 pair chormose assessment IVF is $20,000....yep, that's right - $20,000!! And that's the one we're going with. Being a saver, I argued with Josh on this one. While the $20,000 is more expensive, it's success rate is also about 75%. The $20,000 also includes another IVF transfer just in case the first one doesn't work. At this point, it seems like the best option for us. When Josh told me that he wanted to go with the $20,000 one, I looked at him and told him that this means he won't be getting a new truck that he's been wanting for years. Thankfully, he's a good husband and teased that he would just name our child Ford or Chevy.

So that's the update. Looks like we're moving forward and this may happen as soon as February! Josh, unfortunately is on orders for Drill so he most likely will be gone in March. I'm excited/nervous. We really need prayers right now. Prayers that everything will work out, we'll have a healthy baby, and if it doesn't work, that we'll be able to accept this and move on.