Doubting, Uncertainty......Faith, Trusting

Ok, so I don't really talk about our trouble trying to conceive (mainly because people don't understand).  But right now, I'm kind of at the point where I just need to write about it.  Honestly, most of the things I write in this blog are simply for my own sake...so that I can return to it down the road and remember so many wonderful aspects of my life.

I had a really tough night last night.  I was a couple days late, and even though I knew better, I began to get my hopes up....simply to be saddened by that nasty little thing we call miss flow.  I wanted to vent, cry, complain, etc to Josh but the fact that he's on the other side of the world in a completely different time zone makes things a little difficult.  Instead, I cried on my bed, somewhat angry, but mostly disappointed.  I'm not saying this to try to make people feel sorry for me.  I'm simply writing down my feelings...as raw as they are.

I am thankful for a wonderful husband who never fails to remind me that God has a purpose for our lives and that we need to trust that His plan is best.  Still.....this is much easier said than done.

Honestly, I'm tired of seeing everyone pregnant and having babies.  I'm happy for them, but it's still hard to see.  I want to grab women by the neck when they complain about being pregnant.  Again, maybe I'm not detailing the best side of me, but I'm being honest.

I'm very thankful for the life God has given me.  I've been so blessed.  Sometimes I just need to slow down and dwell on the amazing aspects of my life instead of the aspects that I can't control.

Some Randomness

It's kind of funny how the things that annoyed me the most about Josh while he was here, are some of the very things that I miss so much.  Here's a list of my favorite annoyances:

1.  He throws his dirty clothes in a very neat pile in our room.  This pile seems to grow by the second.
2.  He NEVER changes the toilet paper roll when he's the last to use it.  He simply gets out a new roll and places it on the counter.
3.  He sings (quite loudly, I must add) in the car to songs that he has no idea what the lyrics are.  Instead, he mumbles words that kind of sound like the lyrics and swears he actually knows the songs.
4.  He rides the white line when driving and gives me a heart attack every time we go somewhere.  He insists that he's in his lane....my life flashing before my eyes proves otherwise.
5.  He has butterfingers, simply stated.  He hates when I say this about him, but he drops everything!

Ahhh....I love this man!

The Journey Has Begun

Well....Josh is gone and I'm missing him A LOT!  My countdown has begun (thankfully I get to start at 270 days this time instead of 365).  So far I've been able to talk to him a few times.  They usually consist of very short conversations or 4 a.m. conversations that I have a hard time recollecting later. :)  I'm sure I'll be blogging a lot these next 9 months.  Sometimes writing does the heart/soul/mind/body good. :)

On another note, one of my last blogs talked about the sadness of losing my job and not knowing why God was sending me in a direction I didn't necessarily want.  I've done a lot of thinking about my current job and have come up with some reasons that I believe God may have put me here.  First, I need to get out of the house while Josh is gone and if I had stayed in my tech writing job, I would always be home.  It helps me to be around other people and have constant communication when my hubby is gone.  Also, I've been able to get all my classes done during the day while I'm working.  We all know that I don't handle stress well so the fact hat I'm in a job where I can do school while working is a huge blessing.

Always try to see the positive in every life situation!