Two steps forward...

One step back. This seems to be the way our infertility journey has gone. I finally made an appointment to go back to our fertility specialist, only to find out that he was retiring. So basically, we have to start all over again. We won't have to go through most of the testing again, but I did have to go back to my doctor on Post, get a new referral, and make a new consult for a new doctor (and that includes tons of paperwork that we just did 1.5 years ago).

This time, we're going to a doctor in Lonetree (Denver). I've heard good things about him, but the drive itself makes me wonder if this is the right thing for us. Although I'm not sure yet, I'm betting that he will be more expensive than our last specialist. Another issue is that Josh will most likely have to go to Kentucky for work between the months of April and August - which doesn't leave us a lot of time to do an IVF.

I don't want to sound like a glass half empty type of person but it is discouraging. I'm trying to stay hopeful about this new doctor and even get excited something thinking that we could be months away from getting pregnant. Our first appointment is in two weeks....so you'll be hearing from me then :).

Contentment and Comparisons

Do they go hand-in-hand? I believe so...at least in my life they do. I've been struggling with this a lot lately. As soon as I begin comparing my life to others' lives, I am no longer content. I become jealous (or even angry in some cases). Instead of focusing on my blessings, I let myself enter this black hole of unhappiness.

I compare myself to others in lots of ways. My house isn't as big, my cars aren't as new, my job doesn't pay as well....I could go on and on. The one I struggle with the most though is children. I compare myself to other 30 year olds. They usually have a couple kids by now (some are even done having children). Many of them just decide one day to have another child and guess what? They're pregnant the next month.

So do I compare myself to these ladies? Absolutely! I wonder how getting pregnant can be so easy. I know exactly what day I ovulate and almost 4 years later, I still can't get pregnant. But does this comparison make me happy? No. Comparing myself to these ladies only makes me unhappy.

Josh and I are blessed! Are we missing a beautiful thing that could happen in our lives? Yes. But do we have everything we could need? Absolutely. If I want to be content, I can't compare.

Quick Recap

I'm going to try to sum up the last few months in a quick post. Josh and I have been busy just trying to catch up on life. We've been doing a lot of our favorite hobby (hitting breweries with Friends). We should probably put running as our favorite hobby since beers show up quickly on the hips. :)

We enjoyed a wonderful time in Punta Cana with friends and most recently went to my little sister's wedding (which was equally as wonderful)!

Here are some pictures from both:

And finally, for a baby making update. We've decided to do one more IUI before going forward with an IVF. We're meeting with our doctor on Friday. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Excited for hope and scared for disappointment. I've also started to go to an acupuncturist. I'm hopeful that this might produce positive results too. I feel more relaxed than I have been in the past. Maybe it's because I've stopped trying to control the situation so much....I don't know. I think I'm finally getting to the point where I can completely put this in God's hands. Trust....I struggle with it so much!