Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Maybe I need to stay off facebook....

I've been telling myself this for years now! And the older I get, the more I think this. This weekend I learned about three new pregnancies on facebook. And like I've said a million times before, as much as I'm happy for them, it does make me sad. Simply because I want that same excitement.

Here comes a little rant.... One of the things that really bothers me from my mother friends is the "mother posts." These posts usually include sharing an article that someone else has written...and every once in a while it's their own post. They're the "You're not a mom so you don't know" kind of posts. There's tons of them out there. "You're not a mom so you don't understand my life" or "You're not a mom so you can't judge me" or "You're not a mom so we can't be friends." Ok, I made that last one up but that's basically what they're saying. As someone who would love to be a mom, these posts really offend me. They judge the non-mother type and put them down. They treat them like they're clueless and not as good of a person. I know that my friends aren't intentionally saying this, but this is how I read them. I'm sorry I'm not a mother. I'm sorry I don't know what it's like to be up at all hours of the night taking care of a baby. But you have no idea how bad I want that! You're not a better person than I am for being a mother.

Told you there was going to be a rant. I may just be a little emotional today :). But in all honesty, I wish more people would be a little more sympathetic. Be careful what you say because you have no idea what others are going through.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Why Mother's Day is Hard

I'm not really the jealous type. I'm pretty good at separating my life from others' lives. Even though we may not have as much as others, I feel extremely blessed with what God has given us (granted, I'm better at this some days than others).

But when it comes to others' children, I struggle. And Mother's Day has been one of the hardest days for me the last 3 years. I don't want to make this about myself in any way. I have the best mother and mother-in-law out there. I'm so blessed in both of those areas. But it always brings up my longing for children. It seems like everyone I know is now a mother. Just this morning, I get on facebook and see even more pregnancy announcements. I'm so happy for those people, but it just brings up a pain in my own heart.

During this infertility journey, one of my goals was to not become that person who shuts off the world due to the hurt she is feeling. So many infertile women do this. They won't go to baby showers or see friend's children because they can't deal with the pain. I won't allow myself to become that person. But at some time, I have to admit that I am human and I do feel pain. And yes, I'm jealous at times. I want to be a mother so bad.

So on this Mother's Day, I'm so grateful for the wonderful mothers in my life and long for that day when I can experience the same joy of motherhood.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Note from an Army Wife

We're three months into this deployment. On one hand, I'm happy it seemed to go by fast. On the other hand, it went by way too slow and I'm ready to be done with this deployment. This is my third time doing this but it doesn't get any easier. Josh and I have been married for 5 years (in a few months) and he's been deployed three of those years. It's incredibly frustrating. It's so hard to grow when your only communication is instant messaging and occasional skype calls.

Something I've learned this deployment is that this time away is the perfect time for me to work on myself. Even though Josh and I can't spend quality time together, I can work on becoming a better wife to him. I'm determined to grow even though we're thousands of miles apart.

I'm worn out. I'm tired of doing everything myself. I'm lonely and I miss him terribly. But I am grateful that Josh loves me through it all. Now that we have a house, I have to deal with broken things. So far he's helped me fix the air conditioner and a hose faucet all the way from Afghanistan! It's comforting to know that he's still there for me no matter how far away he is.

This is just a vent. I'll be better. And hopefully the next six months fly by!