I progressively seem to get crankier the longer Josh is gone. So I apologize if my posts have started to seem negative. My intention with this blog was always to be real. And the real part of life is that I'm not always in a good mood.
With that said, I've been thinking a lot lately about my life...and maybe feeling a little bit sorry for myself. Sometimes the trivial things people complain about drive me crazy. But here I am again being absolutely judgmental and insensitive. I understand that.
I'm sorry your cat had to go to the vet today, but I was up all night last night worrying about my husband's safety. Right now, I don't care about your cat. I know everyone has their problems, but sometimes I think there can be a complete insensitively...or maybe people just don't care to try to udnerstand. And I'm definitely not excluded from this group of people. I know I can definitely be insensitive!
I know that my civilian friends and family will never understand the sickening worry I can feel when Josh is gone. That's understandable...they're not put in that position. But I don't even feel like I can talk about my feelings to them. The other night, I got about three hours of sleep because I knew that there were casualties where Josh was staying...I just didn't know who they were. Can you imagine trying to sleep when you don't know if one of those who died is your husband? You check your phone every second or go to the window to see if "those people" are coming towards your door.
But I can't complain. What my husband went through that day was something that he will never be able to explain to any civilians...or even many military people. Saying goodbye to multiple friends on one day is something that no one should have to do.
Along with all these emotions are the emotions of our infertility. I find myself getting upset at baby news....even though I want so bad to be happy. I hurt that Josh and I can't even try right now because he's gone going through the awful crap that he has to do/see.
Ok, I understand that life isn't fair. You know what's not fair? The family members of those five soldiers having to get the news that they were gone. That's what's not fair! As much as I've been through, I'm so blessed to have my husband. I know this.
With that said, I've been thinking a lot lately about my life...and maybe feeling a little bit sorry for myself. Sometimes the trivial things people complain about drive me crazy. But here I am again being absolutely judgmental and insensitive. I understand that.
I'm sorry your cat had to go to the vet today, but I was up all night last night worrying about my husband's safety. Right now, I don't care about your cat. I know everyone has their problems, but sometimes I think there can be a complete insensitively...or maybe people just don't care to try to udnerstand. And I'm definitely not excluded from this group of people. I know I can definitely be insensitive!
I know that my civilian friends and family will never understand the sickening worry I can feel when Josh is gone. That's understandable...they're not put in that position. But I don't even feel like I can talk about my feelings to them. The other night, I got about three hours of sleep because I knew that there were casualties where Josh was staying...I just didn't know who they were. Can you imagine trying to sleep when you don't know if one of those who died is your husband? You check your phone every second or go to the window to see if "those people" are coming towards your door.
But I can't complain. What my husband went through that day was something that he will never be able to explain to any civilians...or even many military people. Saying goodbye to multiple friends on one day is something that no one should have to do.
Along with all these emotions are the emotions of our infertility. I find myself getting upset at baby news....even though I want so bad to be happy. I hurt that Josh and I can't even try right now because he's gone going through the awful crap that he has to do/see.
Ok, I understand that life isn't fair. You know what's not fair? The family members of those five soldiers having to get the news that they were gone. That's what's not fair! As much as I've been through, I'm so blessed to have my husband. I know this.
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