I want to start this blog off by saying that I don't blog for others to see. My main reason is because I want memories. I want to look back and be able to see where I was in life, what I was struggling with, or the joys I was experiencing. With that said, this blog is going to be a little different than most of mine.
I was sitting in church this morning and a song, that I've sung many times, hit me. Here is a small part of it:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
The lyrics are beautiful. And for me, I long to be able to say this with freedom. I can say that I fully trust God and will go wherever He leads me...but I don't truly act this way. Sometimes I make fun of my A type, strong, controlling personality, but I honestly struggle so much with this personality. I need to be in control so much that I can't trust anyone....even to the point where I'm not sure I completely trust God to take care of me. Yes, I would like to believe that...but I don't think I act that way. How many times have I tried to take situations into my own hands because I don't trust God to take care of it?
I've also failed as a wife in this area. I know that the respect/submission topic is a controversial issue amongst Christians. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but I truly believe that it's my responsibility to respect my husband...and part of this is giving him my complete trust. Again, I can say I trust and respect my husband all day long, but until my actions show it, it's not true.
Changing these things in my life will not only make me happier, but will make those around me happier. I've tried many times to make changes in this area, but have always fallen back to my normal, controlling, non-trusting self. And I've hurt people and my relationship with God because of it. It's a personality. I get it. But it needs to be changed. I know some people think it's ridiculous to try to change your personality. I'm not changing who I am as a person. I'm changing how I react or respond to situations in my life. This year, I'm working on becoming that trusting, respectful person to my husband. Will it be easy? No. But I know it needs to happen and I'm actually excited about changing my non-trusting, controlling personality into one that is loving, kind, respectful, and full of trust.
I was sitting in church this morning and a song, that I've sung many times, hit me. Here is a small part of it:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
The lyrics are beautiful. And for me, I long to be able to say this with freedom. I can say that I fully trust God and will go wherever He leads me...but I don't truly act this way. Sometimes I make fun of my A type, strong, controlling personality, but I honestly struggle so much with this personality. I need to be in control so much that I can't trust anyone....even to the point where I'm not sure I completely trust God to take care of me. Yes, I would like to believe that...but I don't think I act that way. How many times have I tried to take situations into my own hands because I don't trust God to take care of it?
I've also failed as a wife in this area. I know that the respect/submission topic is a controversial issue amongst Christians. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but I truly believe that it's my responsibility to respect my husband...and part of this is giving him my complete trust. Again, I can say I trust and respect my husband all day long, but until my actions show it, it's not true.
Changing these things in my life will not only make me happier, but will make those around me happier. I've tried many times to make changes in this area, but have always fallen back to my normal, controlling, non-trusting self. And I've hurt people and my relationship with God because of it. It's a personality. I get it. But it needs to be changed. I know some people think it's ridiculous to try to change your personality. I'm not changing who I am as a person. I'm changing how I react or respond to situations in my life. This year, I'm working on becoming that trusting, respectful person to my husband. Will it be easy? No. But I know it needs to happen and I'm actually excited about changing my non-trusting, controlling personality into one that is loving, kind, respectful, and full of trust.
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